I had a minor break down last night. I’ve been in a bad mood for several days but couldn’t quite name the root cause of my funk. Last night as I lay in bed, allowing myself to think and pray I realized that it centers around all the commotion in our house. The only three items left in the bonus room are a futon, a lamp stand and a bookshelf. The living room and dining room are completely empty because workmen come in the morning to install hardwood floors. We have moved out of our bathroom to share with Claire Marin and Carter for the week while they put tile in the master bathroom. And the granite guy (yes, Tim Taylor, I needed to find a good granite guy) is also coming in the morning to install beautiful new countertops.
But all of this work is for someone else – another family looking for a lovely home to grow up in, throw parties, sit by the fire, make dinners and play games. In some ways I feel like I’m living in someone else’s home. I’m sure this is a normal feeling for anyone sprucing up their home for re-sale, but it feels particularly stressful because I have no idea what our new home will look like or where it will be. How could I? It’s 9,000 miles away.
I will say that after a good cry, comforting words from a compassionate husband, and some prayer I feel much better today. Within a few weeks the work will be done and we can go back to living (and keeping the house spotless for showings). And within a month we will have visited Malawi, met new friends, prayed with new colleagues, and come that much closer to our new home.
I’m sure last night’s tears will not be the last. 2009 will bring new adventures, new challenges, new joys and new tears. But I’m more confident than ever that each experience will bring us closer to the God who has called us and remains ever faithful.
Claire and I were talking this morning about how it is not the going that is hard, it is the leaving. I know you will be able to keep your thoughts with where you are going, and all the good you will be able to accomplish, not just for the lucky people in Malawi, but for your family. It is so plain that you are called (as a family) to do this. So yes, the leaving will be very difficult; but the going—is definitely moving forward in so many ways. Hang in there!