Our Journey

On Saturday, March 14 and Sunday, March 15, I shared Jeff and I’s calling to Malawi in six worship services at St. Joseph United Methodist Church in Fort Wayne. St. Joe is our home church – Jeff grew up there, was confirmed there, and eventually where we married. Our family went to St. Joe when I was in middle school and it was there that I first heard my call to ministry and was invited to serve as liturgist.

I was surprised at the depth of emotion I experienced as I walked into the sanctuary on Saturday night for the first service. I remembered each midnight Christmas Eve service, the baptisms when Curt and Jeff would throw water out into the congregation calling us to remember our baptisms and be thankful, a Thanksgiving service while in college, my nephew’s baptism, and our marriage. Lots has changed at St. Joe since I worshiped there but the place is holy ground; it holds special memories and personal history.

The Saturday evening service is also a communion service. As I heard the words of institution and prayed with the congregation I re-lived another communion service at St. Joe when I was 17 years old. I had recently told my parents and pastor that I had heard a call to ordained ministry. We were sitting in our usual place, right side about 5 rows back, and I was watching Curt and Jeff serve communion. I was struck by the uniqueness of each person who came to receive, more aware than I had been of the individual stories, joys and burdens that each person brought with them to that moment. And I was in awe of the peace and contentment on the ministers’ faces as they served communion. It was clear and beautiful moment, but in the next instant it was replaced by an overwhelming sadness that swept over me. I could feel the sadness laying on me and I heard clearly the words, “You will never do that.” The memory can still bring me to tears.

So as I sat in the congregation last Saturday night, I wondered again about the message in those words. I have not been able to do “that”; my gifts for ministry and the call I heard so long ago have not led to ordination as I thought they would. I have preached on occasion, I have served as liturgist, I have assisted in serving communion, and I have even been on staff as a youth pastor. But I cannot do “that” and I have not found peace yet around my call.

Wise friends and companions on my journey have suggested that I did not hear God’s full message during the communion service 17 years ago. Maybe there was more, “You will never do that because you will do…” Receiving communion at St. Joe last Saturday, I prayed that my friends are right. I hope that this calling to Malawi might be the end of that sentence. Not the end of my journey, but a balm or a healing that I long for.

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“A cup is a container for holding something. Whatever it holds has to eventually be emptied out so that something more can be put into it. I have learned that I cannot always expect my life to be full. There has to be some emptying, some pouring out, if I am to make room for the new. The spiritual journey is like that – a constant process of emptying and filling, of giving and receiving, of accepting and letting go.”
–From The Cup of Our Life by Joyce Rupp

I look forward to our time in Malawi with great anticipation and excitement. I know that it will be a time of filling and receiving. But that means that now there must be some emptying and giving. In order to make room for new friends and new experiences and new challenges, I will have to say good-bye (for a season) to family and friends, experiences and challenges here. I know that all the people here go with me in prayer and in my heart, but there is a reality of loss, grief and separation that I can’t deny. Although I have put it off as long as I can.

Now sharing dinner with amazing women, running into friends at the coffee shop, planning visits home to see family, and impromptu gatherings with friends feels especially precious because a countdown has begun in my head. How many more Tuesday nights? How many more coffees? How many more dinners at La Terazza? How many more days in Fort Wayne? How many more sleepovers for Claire Marin?

So I feel keenly my life as the cup of life that Joyce Rupp describes. At this stage on my spiritual journey there is some emptying in preparation for the filling that God will do. My prayer is that I savor every drop in the cup. That as I leave friends and family here I might pour out love with generosity and joy. And that I will receive the new blessings with equal passion and grace.

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These are journal entries in the first couple days of our trip to Malawi…

7 February 2009, on the plane
We are two hours from Johannesburg… I’m not even sure how I feel. As we landed in Dakar, Senegal to refuel two hours ago I just couldn’t believe that we are on the other side of the world. We are so far from home. I feel neither sadness nor elation, scared nor excited. I am simply waiting, open to the experience, trying to see it all with my eyes and my heart – through my eyes and through the eyes of my children.

8 February 2009, after arriving in Lilongwe
Driving from the airport we saw children herding cows and goats, women carrying backpacks and suitcases on their heads, beautiful trees, maize as tall as I am, lots of bikes, people talking and selling along the road. The country is really beautiful. It is hard for me to imagine it brown in the dry season.

9 February 2009, meeting Lester Mhone
What an amazing day. It’s difficult to believe that my world, my God and my understanding could grow so much in a single day.

Talking with Lester Mhone this morning as he discussed the world and vision of the MUMC felt like I was sitting with John Wesley himself – open air preaching (under mango trees), taking the Word of God to all the people, especially those on the margins, sharing what we have, eliminating need by empowering persons to do for themselves. It is Wesley’s vision being lived out here.

And he talked so much about “demonstrating”, leading by example. He demonstrates a new type of farming on his land without forcing anyone to try it but allowing them to see the differences for themselves. And he demonstrates sharing food with the community to witness to God’s generosity and grace available to all. Demonstrating, he says, living a life as a born again Christian draws curiosity and admiration – and new believers.

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A sermon delivered at Evening Devotion
Malawi UMC Pastor’s Training
13 February 2009

Ezekiel 37: 1 – 10
“The hand of the Lord came upon me, and he brought me out by the spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me all around them; there were very many lying in the valley, and they were very dry. He said to me, ‘Mortal, can these bones live?’ I answered, ‘O Lord God, you know.’ Then he said to me, ‘Prophesy to these bones, and say to them: O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord God to these bones: I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. I will lay sinews on you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live; and you shall know that I am the Lord… and I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood on their feet, a vast multitude.”

Now that I have heard the history of the United Methodist Church in Malawi, I know that if someone had asked about the United Methodist in Malawi 20 years ago, they would have said, “It’s just a bunch of dry bones.” When I first heard about Malawi at Belmont UMC five years ago, all I knew about were the dry bones here. And even last year as Belmont was asked to raise money for churches, we still pictured dry bones. And just last week in the Johannesburg airport, when I told someone I was going to Malawi he said, “why?!” He thought that there were only dry bones here.

But the Malawi United Methodist Church will be dry bones no more!

The Lord has shown [the pastors here] the dry bones and asked if you believe they will live. You have heard God’s command to prophesy and responded. You have proclaimed the word of God. You have believed that the breath of God will enter these bones. You know that these are dry bones no more!

I have heard how new leadership has sprung forth in Superintendent Mhone and how sinews have been laid on the bones. I have met newly ordained, Rev. Mbewe and know that the bones are being covered with skin. And as new leaders rise up and circuits expand, flesh comes upon them. I have witnessed the Christmas miracle offering and know that the skeleton is being rebuilt. These are dry bones no more!

But even as the congregations grow, committees are formed and churches are built, you have not stopped with empty structures. You heard the Lord say again, ‘Prophesy to the breath… breathe upon these slain that they may live.’ And the Spirit of God has filled the Malawi United Methodist Church. These are dry bones no more!

And I have seen and heard evidence of the Holy Spirit alive and moving in Malawi… in the nursery school at Mpena UMC where young children learn English and stories of the faith. In the witness of converts to the church who are inspired and empowered by the Good News of Jesus Christ that is not kept cloistered by the clergy, but shared with the people. I have seen grand churches of other denominations in the cities of Malawi, but when the UMC is blessed with a miracle offering from Belmont UMC, you chose not to build one large church for the world to see, but 16 churches for the people of Malawi. And the Spirit has moved far beyond this land to invite missionaries to sell what they have and move to Malawi to be in ministry with you. These are surely dry bones no more!

This is a church alive, standing on its own feet, a vast multitude! Amen!

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