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Archive for August, 2009

So Surreal

I can’t believe the different pieces of the day belong to the same life…

Before we left Nashville, Dot Anderson (a beloved saint at Belmont UMC and missionary in Mozambique and Kenya for 30+ years) told us that we would feel a tensions straddling two worlds – the people and the church we came to work with and the expat community.  Yesterday was our first day living in both worlds.  Singing, learning, and laughing with our friends in the church as we hosted a Writing Workshop with Steve Bryant in our home in the morning.  Then singing, learning and laughing with new friends from around world in the evening.  The two communities exist almost completely independently.

The morning was spent with the Publications Committee of the UMC and some additional lay members.  There was great conversation, writing and learning as we worked together to draft the first quarterly newsletter of the Malawi UMC.  (see next post)

As we said good-bye to our guests around 2:30pm we put the house back together and began getting ready for the  “braai” (barbecue) we had been invited to at Masomphenya Lodge where we stayed when we first arrived in Blantyre.  The owners, John and Elaine, are wonderful hosts – down-to-earth, funny, kind, generous and “brilliant”.  Carter immediately asked if Anemike, the chef’s little girl, was home and they played, ran, giggled and squealed for the next three hours until Carter curled up on Jeff’s lap and fell asleep in the warmth of the fire.

Over 20 guests arrived shortly after we did, three expat families who have lived in Malawi for 20+ years, including teachers from Marie Claire’s school (St. Andrews), several teenage girls who also attend St. Andrews, and several children Claire’s age.  Marie Claire got a first-hand account of youth life in Malawi and Steve was able to ask lots of questions to allay some of his own anxieties before leaving MC with us.

It was a lovely barbecue atmosphere with delicious food and good conversation. It all felt oddly familiar yet totally outside any experience we’ve had since we arrived.  After the meal we all pulled chairs up around the fire while John and one of the young women pulled out their guitars to begin a campfire sing-a-long.

It seemed a bit bizarre sitting around a fire in Malawi, Africa, singing songs by the Eagles and the Beatles led by a Zimbabwean-born Irishman and white Malawian teenage girls with British accents.  But we basked in the glow of the fire, enjoyed some of John’s original songs and laughed together.  Jeff even took a turn with the guitar playing a Brother Henry song.  But when the group started singing “Country Road” it was too much; I looked at Marie Claire and said, “this is so surreal.”  I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there.  As we left, we heard the opening chords of “American Pie”.  So surreal.

Mrs. Anderson said that we would need to find the best balance for our family between time spent in each of these worlds.  I couldn’t understand then exactly what she meant.  But I see now how seldom our worlds will overlap.  And I can see a glimpse of the tensions that could come with constantly moving back and forth.  As our travel and ministry picks up within the church and as our kids enter school next week, we will continue to learn how best to navigate this new life we are living.

As your summers wind down at home and you gather for the remaining barbecues, sing a few verses of “Country Road” and know that we just might be singing right along with you!

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The blogs are backing up in my head.  There’s so much I want to process, record and share.  I have three journal entries from this week that stop mid-sentence as I was called away by family, guests, phone calls or workmen.

I feel like I have been able to handle most everything that has come my way with grace and humor to this point, but yesterday I was irritable and near tears.  When the carpenter came to discuss new projects (he has finally finished the furniture he started nearly two months ago) I said, “Darlington, if we talk know I will just be mean.”

Jeff and I ran in different directions all day and came home tired and a frustrated.  But then I made my first ever (delicious) homemade tomato soup – on the charcoal stove out back, no less – and grilled cheese.  Daniel and his son, Chimongo, joined us for dinner and we had a quiet evening talking with Steve Bryant about essential print resources for the church in Malawi.

I’m still rather fragile this morning.  I’ve asked Jeff not to be too nice to me or it will break the facade of confidence and pleasantness that I have put on for the day.  In a couple hours 1o people will arrive at our house for a religious writer’s workshop, led by Steve Bryant and myself.  We hope at the end of the day to have taught some writing, editing and publishing skills as we work together to create the first Malawi UMC Quarterly Newsletter!  Stay tuned.  And please keep praying.

All our love from Malawi!

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Just a note to say…

I got home this evening about 11pm after a LONG day of running errands, managing the carpenter and electrician, missing Jeff and attending a church meeting… and I was pissy.  Exhausted.  Dejected.  Weary and worn.

But I walked into a clean kitchen (hallelujah!) and the kids safely in bed.  I put all the fruits and vegetables from the market into a beautiful African basket and ate a delicious dessert of papaya (from our back yard) custard that Marie Claire and Claire Marin made today.  As I opened email, my parents called on video skype.  And then I read an amazing post at bryantinthebush.wordpress.com.

Now I’m reinvigorated, smiling and much lighter.  And so I will say good night and God bless.

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Communication

I’ve been struggling recently with communication back home to friends and family.  Life is so different and our experiences so rich in novelty, emotion, spirituality, struggle and joy.  It’s difficult to capture and convey all of that in an email, a facebook chat, or even a Skype phone call.  So much is left unsaid – for a myriad of reasons.  The time and technological constraints make storytelling awkward and heart-to-heart conversations are difficult with a one-second delay or breaks in the connection.  But beyond that I feel like I’m not even able to process the newness and the struggle, the wonder and the pain enough to articulate it.

I can tell you that I went to the grocery store and that the one inch stack of kwatcha wasn’t enough money so I had to leave the yogurt and hotdogs in the basket.  You may be able to imagine the difficulty of multiplying and dividing everything by the exchange rate of 168 and have a good laugh with me. But can you also imagine the sheer joy of finding Old El Paso salsa and the inner struggle of whether or not to spend $6.25 for it knowing that it may or may not be on the shelves the next time?  After you have had this same conversation within yourself about cheese, Rice Krispies and half dozen other items, imagine arriving home where Wilson, the gardener, insists on helping you carry the groceries into the house and you’re overcome with guilt that this week of groceries cost more than his monthly salary.

I can tell you that Wilson has planted a garden out back and is one of the hardest working men I have ever met.  But I can’t quite capture the rollercoaster of emotions as we walk around the yard talking together about his plans – delight in his eyes as he shows Carter the buds of bush beans and potatoes, the request for money in order to plant maize next week that he knows will feed his family, concern that we haven’t hired enough night guards for this large yard, a wonderful moment when we look at a plant and realize with our different languages we both love parsley, and his can’t-wait-for-Christmas-anticipation of buying flowers this week for the yard.  He has a masomphenya (vision) for this yard and the garden and I know it would be botanical-garden- beautiful if I would shell out the money.  His good nature, dedication and industriousness make me want to give him everything he asks for, but I have to remember that we are on a fixed budget that does not have a gardening line item.  But then he comes laughing to the door with Carter on his shoulders, and all my fiscal responsibility dissolves.

And these are just two mundane tasks in the course of one afternoon.  A trip to the grocery store and a walk around the yard reveal layers of social, theological, cultural and personal assumptions, choices and tensions.  So when I call home or email once a week, how do I answer the question, “how are you?”  or “what have you been doing?”  Do I choose one of the dozens of interactions in that week that knocked me off center or brought me to tears or revealed the glory of God?  Do I try to describe the general feeling of blessedness and unworthiness that runs through it all?

A similar tension exists on the flip side as well.  How do I hear about all that is happening at home?  Can my family tell me everything about the wedding I missed or the week at the lake?  Can I really appreciate the struggles of friends’ lives with children and work and back-to-school from 9,000 miles away even with high speed internet?  I feel so fortunate that we have the technology that enables the communication we do have, but in many ways I feel every bit of the 9,000 miles away.

How best do we share our lives in the coming year?

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Marie Claire is here!

Marie Claire was in my youth group her 7th and 8th grade years (2003 – 2005) and our families are close friends.  Last spring I mentioned – half jokingly – in a Sunday School presentation about our mission that we would love to have someone join us to help watch the kids.  Little did I know that she took it seriously… Now, in her senior year, she is spending her fall semester with us in Blantyre, attending an international school, becoming big sister to Claire Marin and Carter, and joining in our mission.

Several times in the past several days as I round a corner and see her, catch a glimpse of her sitting on her bed, or coming down the steps to the car I realize that I have this goofy grin on my face.  She has caught me as well.  I’m just so happy she’s here.  And Steve too.

When everything here is “almost” like home, but not quite, it’s wonderful to have friends who are home to us.  They call a flashlight a flashlight and not a torch.  They can understand every word that I say.  They know and love us well and we can pick up with a history and relationship that goes back longer than 6 weeks.

Marie Claire comes with an easy manner, a genuine interest and a spirit of adventure.  She sees opportunities where others might fear the unknown.  She respects what others may judge.  She asks good questions and has wise insights.

It’s just been three days, but her room looks like she has been here for weeks.  Claire Marin has not left her side; she is so grateful for a new and friendly face.  And we move together easily in the house, making meals, reading on the couch, and playing with the kids.  Marie Claire has offered to make us enchildadas and even to cook once a week.  wow!

We have visited her school, bought school uniforms and school supplies for her and Claire Marin, and taken care of details like a shower curtain and extra towels.  We have covenanted that we will blog honestly about the good and bad times.  And we hope to take yoga classes together on Wednesday night.

Here comes the goofy grin again.  Even writing about her presence and our plans makes me happy.

Please add Marie Claire as you pray for the Oliver family.  And Steve has he helps her get settled and then returns to Nashville.  And for her mom, Marcie, who has graciously supported Marie Claire in this adventure.

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