I’ve been struggling recently with communication back home to friends and family. Life is so different and our experiences so rich in novelty, emotion, spirituality, struggle and joy. It’s difficult to capture and convey all of that in an email, a facebook chat, or even a Skype phone call. So much is left unsaid – for a myriad of reasons. The time and technological constraints make storytelling awkward and heart-to-heart conversations are difficult with a one-second delay or breaks in the connection. But beyond that I feel like I’m not even able to process the newness and the struggle, the wonder and the pain enough to articulate it.
I can tell you that I went to the grocery store and that the one inch stack of kwatcha wasn’t enough money so I had to leave the yogurt and hotdogs in the basket. You may be able to imagine the difficulty of multiplying and dividing everything by the exchange rate of 168 and have a good laugh with me. But can you also imagine the sheer joy of finding Old El Paso salsa and the inner struggle of whether or not to spend $6.25 for it knowing that it may or may not be on the shelves the next time? After you have had this same conversation within yourself about cheese, Rice Krispies and half dozen other items, imagine arriving home where Wilson, the gardener, insists on helping you carry the groceries into the house and you’re overcome with guilt that this week of groceries cost more than his monthly salary.
I can tell you that Wilson has planted a garden out back and is one of the hardest working men I have ever met. But I can’t quite capture the rollercoaster of emotions as we walk around the yard talking together about his plans – delight in his eyes as he shows Carter the buds of bush beans and potatoes, the request for money in order to plant maize next week that he knows will feed his family, concern that we haven’t hired enough night guards for this large yard, a wonderful moment when we look at a plant and realize with our different languages we both love parsley, and his can’t-wait-for-Christmas-anticipation of buying flowers this week for the yard. He has a masomphenya (vision) for this yard and the garden and I know it would be botanical-garden- beautiful if I would shell out the money. His good nature, dedication and industriousness make me want to give him everything he asks for, but I have to remember that we are on a fixed budget that does not have a gardening line item. But then he comes laughing to the door with Carter on his shoulders, and all my fiscal responsibility dissolves.
And these are just two mundane tasks in the course of one afternoon. A trip to the grocery store and a walk around the yard reveal layers of social, theological, cultural and personal assumptions, choices and tensions. So when I call home or email once a week, how do I answer the question, “how are you?” or “what have you been doing?” Do I choose one of the dozens of interactions in that week that knocked me off center or brought me to tears or revealed the glory of God? Do I try to describe the general feeling of blessedness and unworthiness that runs through it all?
A similar tension exists on the flip side as well. How do I hear about all that is happening at home? Can my family tell me everything about the wedding I missed or the week at the lake? Can I really appreciate the struggles of friends’ lives with children and work and back-to-school from 9,000 miles away even with high speed internet? I feel so fortunate that we have the technology that enables the communication we do have, but in many ways I feel every bit of the 9,000 miles away.
How best do we share our lives in the coming year?
The best we can.
Kara. I’m so grateful to learn of these experiences (limited as their telling may have to be) from you. I know few others who would see all that you see in the interactions you’ve described. God’s call to your family was in part because you would “get it.” You all get the beauty,the struggle, the tension, and the joy. That is a gift to the rest of us even though we’re missing out on so much more that is God’s gift to you for having the courage to go.
dear kara,
your such a good writer and your blog is so much better than mine.
but i do accept a challenge….
MC
Kara, somehow I missed this entry before. I can hear your own tension at “converting cultures” through words that are limited at best. I appreciate that you share your experience through your own western eyes, because in so doing you alert us all to our one-sided view of life. More than anything I have been hearing your struggle with the fact that you alone can not address all of the problems and pure needs where you are. I feel the same in my daily ministry, though probably on a smaller scale. Yet each one we can help is one. And each one we see that we can’t help is another who enters our hearts and minds forever. I know your heart and mind are full. But you are crossing the distance barrier by helping us see more than we would have seen so you do not carry these burdens alone. Now we too have a responsibility to struggle with the question: What can WE do?