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Archive for February, 2011

Resting in God

The image from Psalm 131 of a weaned child has been my comfort this week. I keep imagining resting in the embrace of God, as a child who no longer grasps or cries. But simply rests, weaned and loved.

I remember those weeks and months after my own children stopped nursing. When I could hold them and read a story or sing and chat knowing that they would not be reaching into my shirt or distracted by the proximity of the next snack. It was relaxing and refreshing to have a child crawl into my arms knowing that they came solely to be loved and held.

And I long for that same rest in God’s arms. When I’m not crying for something or pretending to enjoy God’s presence while really just waiting for my next blessing. I’m learning to sit and be loved. To grow and be weaned and come into God’s presence for the sole purpose of being there.

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Endearing

My tears always surprise me. They are unwelcome. Last week they came late in the night when I had to admit that I am overwhelmed and cannot accomplish all that is before me. Today they come when I think of Wilson working with someone else. Missing the laughter and discussions with the young men working tirelessly on a new publication. Or counting the meals that remain with Daniel and Moty.

One of my friends teases me about my ability to agonize over every decision – large and small. I’d like to think it’s endearing, but I acknowledge it’s more likely an unhealthy coping mechanism to keep the tears at bay. But, really, isn’t it so much more enjoyable to analyze, philosophize, and theologize about the ramifications of my actions and the possible eventualities for each person who could directly or tangentially be affected by my decisions than to fall apart in a snotty, wet mess?

For now my preference is resist the tears and push forward. I’ll make my to do lists and blog. I do pray, as well. But I’m often praying that these circumstances be met, solved and conquered. And that’s what I’ll do today.

Don’t you find it endearing?

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Ch-English

When Ciona visited last fall we were standing in the kitchen chatting and she said, “Kara, you don’t have to use your Chichewa English with me.” I laughed. We have, indeed, changed our English into different rhythms, different inflection, and incorporated Malawian colloquialisms in order to be better understood.

  • We tend to leave off prepositions… Will you pick [up] the kids from school?
  • We have altered our inflection and emphasis on different syllables to match the “Ch-English” spoken by our Malawian friends.
  • It’s reflected in our vocabulary. Last night Jeff chuckled when I asked the kids to take the plates and “tumblers” (glasses) to the kitchen.
  • And Jeff and I now use the phrase that confused – and frustrated  – us for so long, “I’m coming.” In Chichewa the word for “coming” and “going” is the same. So as Wilson would leave for the market he would throw the words over his shoulder, “I’m coming,” and off he would go. Now we understand that it means I’m going but I’m coming back shortly.

Malawi has crept into the functioning of our brain, changing the way our synapses fire, altering the words that spring from our lips. Malawi has changed us at such depths that we cannot imagine.

Last night as I uttered the word, “tumbler”…  This morning as it registered that we have 5 months left here… Today as I emailed with GBGM about the possibility of new missionaries coming and taking over our lease… As I wrestle with what to preach tomorrow… I feel a deep sadness about leaving Malawi and worry that leaving Malawi will mean leaving the changes it has wrought in me.

It does not alter the peace I have about our decision to come home. It does not change the fact that I have too much work to do and worry if I can maintain the pace for 5 more months. But the sadness lives alongside these realities.

It’s not just our speech that has changed, but our theology, our marriage, our parenting, our perspective, our love, our abilities and our visions. I’m actually pretty proud of my “Ch-English”. At the same time I’m sure it will fade when we return to the US but I hope these deeper changes remain.

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Discernment

Friends, family, colleagues and supporters –

It was nearly a year ago that we wrote to say that we would be extending our mission in Malawi beyond our initial commitment of one year. It is time again to share our next steps.

We find ourselves at a crossroads. Our options are to continue as Individual Volunteers in Malawi for another year, transition to Standard Support Missionaries with a three-year commitment, or return home to Nashville to reflect, regroup and consider the next phase of our call and our mission with the Malawi United Methodist Church.

After months of prayer, discussion, tears and soul-searching we have decided to return home to Nashville on July 13, 2011 (following annual conference and the round table meeting) for the foreseeable future.

Our discernment rests on several factors – financial, personal and missional.

First, while we recognize the value of our presence in Malawi and are honored to have served as volunteers, we wrestle with accepting donor dollars for a third year for our own survival when those dollars could be used for ministry within the conference. To extend our mission beyond July would mean a massive fundraising effort for tens of thousands of dollars that could be used for vehicles, administration and projects within the church.

Second, while the transition to Standard Support Missionaries would alleviate some of this financial burden, it would require a commitment as early as March to remain in Malawi for the next two to three years. As we considered this option we realized how significantly different it would be to live as missionaries as opposed to volunteers.

We followed this call to Malawi as short-term volunteers. While we have developed deep and enriching relationships with the church and individuals here in Malawi, our family of four is still planted in Nashville. We have not pulled up roots and transferred our lives to Malawi, but followed a call as short-term volunteers. Therefore, our extended family is anxiously awaiting our return, we have worked very hard to maintain our friendships in the USA, and Jeff and I have both retained some type of employment or professional connections knowing that we would need to support ourselves after this journey.

With the volunteer mindset we have not invested time in creating a sustainable life here. We have not developed relationships outside of the church. We have not found ways to live on the resources that exist within the country but rely on care packages and holidays to the US and South Africa to buy those things that we need for daily living. While it may seem insignificant, we have not taken the time to find the practical things that everyone must seek out when they move to a new place, like a pediatrician, a dentist, a hairdresser, babysitters. So to apply and accept the position of Standard Support missionaries would be starting over in many ways – to build a life here and not just a temporary shelter. This is not a commitment we are prepared to make within the next few weeks.

And while this experience and mission has provided more blessings to our family than we can even realize now, it has also put a significant strain on our family, immediate and extended. We need time, in some ways, to heal and to examine our lives in light of all that we have learned and the many ways that God has changed and transformed us on this journey.

Finally, our discernment includes a concern for the part we play in the mission of the Malawi United Methodist Church. We have come to appreciate the contributions and the dangers of volunteers stepping into the life and ministry of this indigenous church. On our first visit in February 2009, the bishop said that if we came, our charge was to empower the indigenous leaders. In the first year we stood along side the leaders, learning, teaching and offering support as we could. In this second year we find ourselves doing more of the work ourselves and less training and empowerment. This raises a red flag for us and it plays a part in our decision to step back from our current position and to partner with the conference from Nashville for now.

This decision is not easy. We will leave parts of ourselves, body, mind and soul, here. We know that this news will be received with great joy by some and with great sadness by others. And we fear that some will be disappointed, nervous, or even angry because they have come to depend on our presence here. But we believe, and have been reminded by others wiser than ourselves, that the Malawi Missionary Conference is God’s mission. We cannot be, or view ourselves, as critical to this mission. God is already supplying and raising up new partners and leaders in the church with different gifts to move the mission forward.

This transition home will be as difficult as the move we made in July 2009 because we find ourselves leaving home again. We ask for your prayers during the next six months. There is much work to be done and we still need your support to complete our journey with grace, humility and wisdom.

Ambuye akudalitseni

May God richly bless you,

 

Kara, Jeff, Claire and Carter

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Thank you, Stan!

my yoke is easy...

 

It is so easy to get caught up in the details, struggles and things-not-done. But once in a while one receives a beautiful reminder of the good that is happening. Stan Kennady helped me reboot this week with this beautiful essay from school…

From Mary (his mom): Stan’s class was a book project where each student had to write a favorite Bible verse, draw a picture, and write a brief essay about the verse, or tell about “a person who seems joyful in the Lord.” The quote he selected was from 2 John 4. “It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth just as the father commands us.”  Here is the essay–I hope you like it.

When asked to think of someone who is joyful in the Lord, I thought not of one person, but an entire family from my church. In the summer of 2008, the Oliver family decided to spend a year in the poor country of Malawi in Africa as missionaries. Supported by our church, they left in July of 2009. The entire country is filled with poverty and disease (along with low water supply and power shortages), making it one of the worst places on the earth to live, yet they are happy. It has allowed them to become closer as a family because they spend so much time together. A year of this work would be more than enough for most people. They decided to come home for two months, then return to Malawi to continue their work for two more years. On their blog, Kara referenced a Bible passage from Matthew: “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” She talked about the difficulty in understanding many Bible passages until moving to a place where people actually use oxen and yokes. In real life oxen may struggle to haul a heavy load. Kara believes that the yoke is easier and the burden in lighter with the life she is currently living with her family in one of the poorest countries in the world.
Stan Kennady

 

 

 

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